Роберт Асприн. Миф - 11. Миффия невыполнима (engl)
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... the roadwatching what we were doing. It was creepy, and I was glad to get on the
way.
From that point onward there were cattle along the road watching us, as
if something had told them we were coming. When I asked Aahz what made them
do that, he said he didn't know. He'd never seen cattle act that way.
Tanda said she hadn't either.
That answer didn't comfort me at all.
I kept us going longer and longer, not wanting to rest and have all the
cows gather close to us. By the time the sun came up I had flown us to the
edge of Bank City. I was exhausted and was going to have to get a few hours
sleep before we went on.
At first light, the moment the sun peeked over the edge of the nearby
mountains, the cows stopped watching us and went back to grazing.
For some reason that bothered me a lot more than them staring at us.
Chapter Nine
"It's an acquired taste."
H. LECHTER
I was so tired that even the short walk into the center of the town of
Bank darned near killed me. All I wanted to do was fall down and sleep, at
least for a few hours. Aahz promised me that was going to be possible very
soon, so I limped along with them.
The merchants were opening up the stores and the shutters had all
disappeared from the windows. Horses pulling wagons were lined up outside a
few stores, and, just like in Evade, a guy wearing a hat and carrying a
shovel was going around cleaning up after the horses. Clearly that was a
standard job in every town. I couldn't imagine a kid wanting to be the
horse-poop cleaner when he grew up. But maybe in this culture, that was the
top job.
Bank looked a lot like Evade, just bigger. The buildings were all the
same size, and there were wooden sidewalks.
We found a small establishment like the one Glenda had left me in, and
sat down at a table near the front window. We were the only ones in the
place. It felt great to be off my feet and not moving. I might be able to
sleep right there in the chair if they let me.
As I looked around I realized this place was almost identical to
Audry's in Evade, with the bar down the left side and wooden tables and
chairs.
"What can I get for ya, folks?" A man asked as he came out from the
back room.
He was just like the guy in Evade, right down to the white apron and
the dirty towel.
"Could we trouble you for just one glass of your best juice?" I asked.
"Not a problem at all," he said, smiling. "You want some breakfast, I
just got a fresh load in this very morning. Good and crisp."
"Sounds great," I said, "maybe later. But I think first we just want to
sit a spell."
The guy came back with the carrot juice drink and slid it onto the
table with a smile before he headed back into the kitchen area.
"You've picked up the lingo pretty well," Tanda said. "A night alone in
a place do that for you?"
"I suppose," I said, taking a sip of the juice. "Isn't it creepy how
all these people seem the same from town to town?"
"I was noticing that as well," Tanda said. "The guy shoveling dung
looks just like every other guy I've seen shoveling dung."
Aahz laughed and I just stared at her, too tired to even try to figure
out what she had just said.
"I wonder why there's no milk," Aahz said, staring at the carrot juice
with a look of disgust on his face.
"I don't think you want to ask, even if they had any," I said. "I was
in a kitchen of one of these places, and there was nothing there but
veggies, and not a clean surface in the room."
"Ughh," Tanda said. "More than likely you could get us arrested for
even thinking of drinking milk in a dimension full of cows."
"You two have far too active an imagination," Aahz said as he pulled
out the map and opened it.
Again it had changed.
I kept sipping my carrot juice as I studied the parchment. Bank, the
town we were in, was the main town on the map now. And the treasure was now
located in a city called Placer. Three roads left Bank and headed off in
three directions, all, in one fashion or another, getting to Placer after a
few more towns.
"Now which way?" I asked, staring at our options.
They were towns called Chip, Pie, and Biscuit. Weird names. Everything
about this dimension was starting to seem weird to me.
Tanda pointed to one of the towns. "Following Skeeve's plan of going to
towns that start with the letter B, we head for Biscuit."
"Sounds good to me," I said.
Aahz just shook his head in amazement.
"As good as any, I suppose."
He studied the map for a moment more and then folded it up and put it
away.
Biscuit was on the road that stayed north going out the west side of
Bank. I doubted it would be hard to find. I took another sip while Tanda
wrinkled her nose at my drink and me.
"It's an acquired taste," I said, realizing what I was doing. I had
finished almost half the glass.
I offered the rest to her, but she shook her head.
"No, thanks. Not in a million years."
I shrugged and took another drink. The stuff wasn't bad at all, once
you got past the initial taste of smashed and juiced carrots.
"So how you feeling?" Aahz asked.
"He's going to have to rest," Tanda said, not letting me answer.
"I know that," Aahz said. "I was just wondering how we were going to do
that. We don't dare go back to the cabin because Glenda might be there. I
don't want to deal with her just yet. So we have to find some private spot."
"Actually," I said, stopping the fight before it got started, "I'm
feeling pretty good. A little juice here and some time sitting down and I
think I can go again for a while."
Tanda looked into the orange liquid.
"What did they put in there?"
"You know," I said, looking at the juice, "I don't know, but it really
is helping."
We sat for another ten minutes while I finished off the carrot juice,
then I went over and asked how I could pay the man for the drink.
"Come back for a dinner," he said. "That's payment enough."
I thanked him for his hospitality. I had no idea how this bartering
system in this dimension worked, but it sure made everyone friendly.
We headed toward the west end of town, walking down the sidewalk and
tipping our hats at the smiling people we met. I felt great again. Drinking
that juice was like getting a good night's sleep. I had no idea what was in
one besides carrots, but I could easily get hooked on them.
It wasn't going to be a problem taking the wrong road because there was
a sign saying Biscuit and a big arrow at the fork in the roads. Around us
were buildings and homes and several hundred of head of cattle grazing, so
we started off walking, going slow and steady as the sun got hotter.
Finally, after maybe a mile, we were far enough out in the country to
not chance being seen flying.
"You sure you're all right?" Aahz asked.
"Never felt better," I said.
"You know, at the next town, I'm trying some of that juice," Tanda
said.
As I reached out with my mind searching for power, it became clear that
we were in an area much more powerful than where we had started. It was easy
for me to get enough to lift the three of us knee-high off the ground and
whisk us along.
We had to stop flying and walk a half dozen times over the next few
hours when we saw people coming, or a house was too close to the road. And
we must have passed at least a million cows along the way. Not one had
actually looked at us. And not once did I have to actually sit down and
rest.
Amazing juice.
By the time we reached Biscuit, it was mid-afternoon and I was starting
to get tired again. We found a place to sit in a bar that looked just like
Audry's and the one in Bank. Now all of us were growing bothered by the
similar nature of the places. I wanted to run from the bar when a man who
looked a lot like the previous two, down to wearing a white apron and
carrying a dirty rag, came out of the kitchen and asked us what we wanted.
"Just two glasses of your finest," I said.
"Sure you all don't want an early dinner?" he asked. "I just got a
fresh load from the fields. Really crisp. We all need our energy, you know,
with the round-up coming."
I glanced at Aahz, then Tanda, then answered the guy's question.
"After we sit awhile we just might."
He smiled real big, like I had said the right thing, then went and
brought us our juice. He had disappeared into the back room before any of us
said anything.
"So someone want to explain to me what's going on?" Tanda asked.
"I've never seen anything like this," Aahz said. "I thought you two
were just imagining things at the last stop. But these three places are
almost identical."
"Are we going in circles or something?" I asked. "Is it possible that
all these towns are the same one?"
"No, there're different sizes and shapes and in different countryside,"
Tanda said.
"No doubt we're in different towns," Aahz said, "all built, it seems,
off the same pattern, with the same kind of people living in them."
"Okay," Tanda said, "now I can safely say I've seen it all."
"Not yet," I said. 'We've still got the round-up, whatever that is. And
a golden cow."
Tanda nodded and looked at Aahz with a serious face.
"I'm starting to think this treasure isn't worth what we're risking."
Aahz looked at her as if she had gone crazy.
"Are you kidding? We've come this far. Only a few more towns to go."
She nodded, but I could tell as I sipped my juice that this entire
dimension was bothering Tanda a great deal. And in the time I had known
Tanda, I had never seen anything bother her.
Aahz glanced to make sure the guy was still in the kitchen, then opened
up the map and spread it on the table. As every other time, it had changed
again.
This time, we had four roads to pick from, and all the towns started
with the letter "B". Brae was the southern most, then there was Brawn, then
Bent, and finally, to the north, Bethel. The golden treasure was marked as
being in a place called Donner.
"Well, so much for that system," I said.
"And it was working, too," Aahz said.
"You know, maybe I could drain off the magik from the map again." I had
just finished my entire glass of carrot juice and was feeling really, really
alive and well.
Aahz glanced at the kitchen door again, then asked me, "You feel up to
it?"
"I feel like I'm getting stronger the farther we come," I said.
"Let him try," Tanda said. "Might save us a lot of back-tracking."
Aahz looked at me, then nodded. "Give it a shot."
I took a deep breath and let my mind search out the power in the map.
For an instant I didn't think anything was going to happen. Then I felt it.
The power rushed through me from the map as I hastily directed it into the
ground. My head spun for a second, and it was done. The power was gone and
the map was normal...for now. I took a deep breath, again feeling the
strain. I needed more carrot juice.
"It worked," Aahz said. "Nice job, Skeeve."
It wasn't often that I got a compliment from my mentor, so I savored
the moment. Tanda patted me on the arm and gave me a kiss on the cheek for a
reward. Nothing like doing a job and doing it well.
I took her glass of carrot juice and sipped from it while we studied
the map.
Only one road led from Biscuit where we were, through Bethel and then
to Donner. Donner actually was the place with the golden cow. We had been
closer than we thought.
But from the look of the map, it was a long way to Bethel, and even
farther to Donner. Just getting to the first place was going to take to the
middle of the night. I just hoped the cows didn't watch us.
"You rested enough to get going?" Aahz asked me.
I downed half of the glass of carrot juice and nodded.
"Put this in one of our water containers, would you?"
Tanda nodded as I stood and moved to the door into the back room. I
knocked and the guy came out.
"What can we do for you in exchange for the wonderful drinks you
served?"
He smiled, as if I had again said some magik words.
"Just come back for food sometime soon."
"I promise we will," I said. I tipped my hat at him.
"Thanks."
He stood there smiling, watching us leave like we were his children
headed off to school.
We went through Bethel in the middle of the night. The town looked like
all the others, and, even though it was locked up tight and shuttered, I
recognized the Audry's-place-look-alike as we passed it.
For the past few hours, since a stop we made right after dark, the cows
had again watched us. We were the cow entertainment for the night as we sped
past pasture after pasture. Thousands and thousands of cows lined the road,
ready for us to come flashing past. I had no idea why they did it, or how
they knew we were coming, but there wasn't a stretch of road that didn't
have cows lined up beside it all night long. And even though there were no
fences, none of them came into the road to stop us.
After a while I stopped looking at them as well. Their big eyes,
shining in the moonlight, just unnerved me.
My flying was getting better and better as the trip went on, and since
the moon was almost full the road was easy to see. I could manage almost an
hour of nonstop flying before I had to rest, and, because of the mostly flat
land, we were making great time.
Even though I wanted to drink it earlier because I was feeling tired, I
forced myself to wait until we were walking through Bethel to finish the
last of the carrot juice I had had Tanda save.
Just that half a glass gave me enough energy to keep on going, as if I
had slept a full night. It seemed to allow me to use every bit of the power
around me to keep us above the road and speeding toward the treasure.
At sunrise the cows stopped watching again, going back to gra2ing as if
we didn't matter at all. For a while I felt almost insulted, before I
realized what I was thinking. How could a cow not wanting to watch me fly
past ever insult me? Made no sense.
About halfway through the morning, still a long distance from Donner,
we came on a small town. It couldn't have been half the size of Evade, and
not more than a dot on the map. The juice I had drunk in the middle of the
night had long ago worn off and I was so tired that I was just about falling
down.
As I had hoped when I saw the little town, right in the middle was a
place that looked a lot like Audry's. It was empty and we went in, taking
what I was starting to think of as our normal table. I slouched in a chair
in front of the window, glad to still be alive.
There was only one thing bad about the carrot juice. When you came down
off of it, you came down hard. Right now, if we were going to get to Donner
by the middle of the night, I needed another fix or two of the golden
liquor.
This place didn't just look like Audry's; it could have been Audry's.
And when the guy with the white apron and dirty rag came out of the back
room, I wasn't surprised in the slightest.
"What can I get for you, strangers?"
"If you wouldn't mind," I said before either Tanda or Aahz could speak,
"could I trouble you for three glasses of your best?"
The guy beamed, wiped his hands with the towel, and said the words I
was expecting.
"Not a problem. Sure I couldn't interest you folks in some lunch as
well? Just got a fresh wagon-load in. Everything's really crisp. You all
need your strength, what with the round-up coming."
"Thanks, partner," I said. "That sounds really good, but I think we'll
just start with the juice right now, if you don't mind."
"Not at all," he said.
A few moments later he came back with three glasses of the carrot
juice, smiled at us as he put them down, then headed off into the kitchen.
"Okay, that does it," Tanda said, staring at where the guy had gone.
"I'm officially completely creeped out."
"What?" Aahz asked. "All the staring cows last night didn't do it for
you?"
"Okay, double creeped out," Tanda said.
I downed about a half a glass of carrot juice and sat back, letting the
wonderful flavor warm me. How I had ever lived without the stuff was beyond
me.
"I think you might want to go easy on that juice," Aahz said. He was
looking as tired as I had felt a few minutes ago.
"I think you might want to try some," I said, "if you're expecting to
get to the treasure tonight."
He shook his head.
"I think one of us hooked on carrot juice is enough."
"Your loss," I said.
He just frowned and pulled out the map.
This time the map hadn't changed. My magik had worked. We were still
headed for Donner, which looked to be a good distance from here. I was going
to need all the energy I could get. I downed another quarter of the glass.
By the time we left the place, with me running through the same routine
with the guy in the apron, promising we might be back for dinner, I had
downed a glass and a half of the juice, and had the rest in the water
containers. I was good to go through the night. As far as I was concerned,
Tanda and Aahz could sleep while I flew. They weren't doing anything, so why
not?
Later that afternoon I think they both did actually fall asleep while
flashing along knee-high off the road. It was lucky for all of us I had my
carrot juice.
As it happened, we were approaching another tiny little town along the
road to Donner as the sun set. On the map this place wasn't even listed. It
had maybe twenty buildings, all of them boarded up and shuttered. Still,
Aahz figured there was no point in taking any chances, so we walked into the
tiny town.
We were just about through the town when, at once, every door in the
town slammed open. It was a dark and quiet night, with the sun down and the
moon not yet up. That much sudden noise and movement darned near scared me
right out of my skin.
"What's happening?" Tanda asked.
I didn't have a clue. From what I could tell, every person in the town,
all dressed in different clothing, some in nightshirts, walked into the
street like zombies, turned, and in a line headed out of town to the west.
We quickly stepped up onto the sidewalk to get out of the way as the
chain of people moved past down the center of the road. There was no life in
any of their eyes or fighting against what was happening to them.
"Be ready to take us back to Vortex #6," Aahz whispered to Tanda.
"Oh, I've been ready for days," she said.
The last person moved past us, leaving the town empty and every door
standing wide open. I had no idea what we should do. I took the canister out
of my pouch and downed the last of the second glass of carrot juice, just to
be ready for whatever was coming.
Aahz motioned that we should follow them, so, moving slowly about
thirty steps behind the last person, we followed the line of people out into
the countryside, along the very same road we had planned on traveling.
The farther out we got, the more I expected to see the cows waiting for
us, watching the zombie townspeople now. But there were no cows to be seen.
But there were a lot of naked people, yawning and stretching scattered
around the fields, as if they were just waking up from a long nap.
The townspeople kept doing the zombie march as the naked people in the
fields moved toward them. The first naked guy to reach the line near us
grabbed an old man in a nightshirt, tipped back the old guy's head, and bit
into his neck.
"Vampires," Tanda whispered.
Behind us the full moon was easing up over the edge of the hill,
shining light on the feast as more and more vampires picked a meal and bit
in. So this was what the round-up was all about? I couldn't believe what I
was seeing.
The cows were vampires, and their feeding stock was the people. No
wonder all the people in all the towns all ate vegetables and were afraid of
the night. The people who lived in the towns were nothing more than cattle,
being fattened for slaughter every month.
It was the cows that were the masters.
"You are not in the round-up line," a deep and pleasant voice said from
behind us.
All three of us spun around as one to face two naked people. One was a
man, one a woman. Their bodies were perfectly formed, their muscles toned,
their eyes large and brown, like the cow's eyes along the road every night.
The woman was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen without
clothes on. No, make that the most beautiful. And with one glance into her
eyes, I wanted to give myself to her. I didn't care if she bit me or not.
The next instant the dust storm on Vortex #6 slammed into me, snapping
me out of my desire to make a fool of myself with a beautiful woman for the
second time in a week.
Chapter Ten
"I can quit anytime."
S. HOLMES
The hundred slogging steps through the dust storm to the cabin seemed
to get longer and longer every time I had to do it. I had no idea why we
just couldn't D-Hop right into the cabin and skip all this dust and wind. I
was going to ask Tanda that, as soon as things settled down.
As we got near the cabin, Tanda held up her hand for us to stop. I
could barely see the dark shape of the building in the storm. There was no
light in the window this time.
She did something with both arms I assumed was some sort of scanning
magik that assassins knew, then motioned that it was clear and we should
move forward. Therefore, Glenda wasn't here waiting for us.
I had the sudden image of one of the cow-vampires bending her over and
sucking on her neck in the middle of some road somewhere. Considering what
she had done to me, it was one of the nicer thoughts I had had about her in
days.
We got inside and the door closed against the storm.
"Are we shielded?" Aahz asked Tanda.
"Up and solid," she said. "Skeeve was right; there is powerful energy
here. I can hold the shield for as long as we need it."
"So Glenda can't pop in and surprise us?" I asked, moving to the stove
to get it started before I took off my coat.
"Not a chance," Tanda said. "She hops back here, she's going to get
awful dirty standing out there in the dust."
Aahz laughed. "Couldn't happen to a nicer demon."
"Want something to eat?" Tanda asked, working around in the cabinets as
I sat at the table.
"Just more carrot juice," I said.
I could feel my body starting to get really tired, as if someone had
pulled the energy plug and what I had left was draining onto the floor.
I dug into my pouch for the canister that I had been carrying. It was
gone. I checked again and it was still not there. I couldn't remember doing
anything with it, but I might have dropped it in the excitement of watching
cows become vampires and bite on people.
"You have the other canister of juice?" I asked Aahz. "Afraid not,
apprentice," he said. "Left it back on Kowtow when we hopped out of there."
My first reaction was not to believe him. Then it became clear that he
had left the rest of my carrot juice, and my reaction was anger.
"How could you do that?" I shouted. "Easy," he said.
He showed me by reaching into his pouch, taking out an invisible
canister, and dropping it to the floor. "But what am I going to do without
it?" Again I shouted. I needed that carrot juice; right down to the very
bottom of my soul I needed it.
"You're going to sleep for a long time," Tanda said, smiling at me.
Just her mention of sleep made me sleepy. I couldn't believe they had
done this to me.
"Taking a guy's carrot juice isn't nice."
"I know," Tanda said. "But we're doing it for your own good. You
haven't slept in at least three days. You need to stop moving and just lie
down."
The tiredness was washing up over me like a wave on the beach. It was
everything I could do to even think about saying I didn't need sleep.
How dare she tell me what I needed? How dare Aahz leave my juice
behind? Hadn't I trusted him with that juice?
"I don't need to rest," I said, my voice sounding funny to my ears.
"How about you just lie down for a few minutes and then we'll talk
about it," Tanda said, helping me to me feet and moving me over to the
soft-looking bed against one wall.
"Well, maybe just a minute," I said.
What could a minute hurt? I'd get back some of my energy, and then
convince Tanda to hop me back to get my juice.
"Only one minute," I said.
Or at least I think I said that. I might not have, because from the
moment my head touched the pillow, I don't remember another thing.
I woke up with a blinding headache and a taste in my mouth that was a
cross between horse droppings and stale carrots. I rolled over and the pain
hit me even harder, smashing into my head like someone was taking a hammer
and pounding me right between the eyes.
"Ohhh," I said, putting both hands to my head trying to stop the agony.
"The sleeping apprentice awakes," Aahz, said, his voice far too loud
for the size of the space between my ears.
"And in pain, it seems," Tanda shouted.
"Please whisper," I said, but my throat was so dry the words didn't
really come out.
I wanted to die. Why hadn't they just killed me as I slept? Or maybe
they had tried, which was why I hurt so much.
I also wanted to be sick, but that wasn't possible since there wasn't
anything left in my stomach. But my stomach still felt like it wanted to
twist inside out and come up through my throat. And the world spinning
didn't help that feeling at all.
And, most of all, I really wanted to forget all the nightmares I'd had
about cows turning into vampires, and the people of a dimension being
nothing more than food stock. What an awful nightmare. That was the last
time I had carrot juice if it caused those kind of visions.
Tanda came over and knelt beside me. I could feel her hand on my
forehead, then a soft energy flowing through me, washing the pain and nausea
with it. Whatever she did, it was nice.
After a moment she moved away and I opened my eyes. My head didn't hurt
as much, and the world that felt as if it was smashing down on me from all
sides had retreated.
I also realized that what I had thought were carrot-juice-induced
nightmares had actually happened. "That help?" Tanda asked.
I nodded, wishing I hadn't almost at once. She had taken away the pain,
but the rest of the problems-upset stomach and spinning world-were still
with me.
She brought me a glass of water, helping me sit up to drink it.
"Well, hangovers are sure fun, aren't they, apprentice?" Aahz asked.
"No," I managed to croak out after I took a small drink, "they are
not."
"Good thing to remember next time you go bingeing."
The thought of even seeing another carrot made my stomach twist.
"Was there alcohol in the carrot juice?"
"No, but it had other stuff in it," Aahz said, "Stuff I'm guessing make
the people of those towns good eating for the vampires."
My stomach twisted.
"And maybe help keep them under control," Tanda said, looking at me.
"Think you can come to the table and try to eat a little something?"
"I can try," I said, "but no promises."
"Good enough. You need to eat."
"How long was I sleeping?" I asked as I stood and shuffled my way to
the table.
I dropped into a chair and then tried to remain still while the world
spun for a moment.
"About twelve hours," Aahz said. "We were just getting ready to head
back to Kowtow when you started to wake up."
"Without me?" I asked, staring into the eyes of my mentor.
He smiled at what must have been my shocked expression.
"Just to explore and get a little closer to Donner while the vampires
were back being cows. We would have left you shielded and been back in a few
hours."
"You still want to see if you can get to the treasure?" I asked, not
believing that Aahz would even want to go back to the place again, let alone
try to get a golden-milk-giving cow that turned into a vampire.
"Sure," he said. "We're too close to turn back now."
"And just what are you going to do when you find this golden cow?"
"I asked him the same thing," Tanda said.
"I'll figure that out when we find it," Aahz said.
I nodded. "Glad I woke up then."
"I doubt you're going to be up for coming along just yet," Tanda said,
putting a little sandwich and another glass of water in front of me.
"I'll be fine," I said. "Just a little carrot juice and I can fly a
long ways."
The silence in the cabin was intense.
I looked at Aahz, then at Tanda and smiled. "Just kid-ding."
For some reason, neither of them laughed.
Along the way there were more and more cattle, bigger herds than we had
seen at any other place. I was just glad that none of them were lined up
along the road watching us.
The countryside was becoming pretty hilly, and the road looked like it
was headed right at a fairly large mountain range. I hoped Donner was on
this side of the range and not the other. My question was answered almost at
once as we topped a slight ridge and could see off ahead.
I somehow managed to bring us to a stop and lower us to the ground.
Considering what we were facing, I thought that was pretty good
concentration.
From the top of this hill we could see Donner. It had been built going
up the side of a gentle hill. From here it looked as if the buildings down
low were all like the ones in the towns we had already seen, but the farther
up the hill you went, the larger the buildings, the more ornate.
At the top was the palace. Only this wasn't like anything on this
planet. It was made of stone and inlaid with gold that shimmered in the
afternoon sun. It was like a second sun, only golden.
"Oh, my," Tanda said softly.
"No wonder there's a treasure map to this place," Aahz said. "I've
never seen anything like that."
"Neither have I," Tanda said.
Well, if the two experienced dimension travelers in the group had never
seen anything like the golden palace we were staring at, I sure hadn't
either.
After a moment I asked what I thought was the obvious next question.
"So now what do we do?"
"We go take a closer look," Aah2 said, laughing. "See what we can see."
I glanced at my mentor. He was always happy when there was a chance we
might end up with a lot of money. I didn't want to ask him how he thought we
were going to get any of the gold we could see from here, but clearly he had
ideas, and the ideas were enough to make him smile.
All his smile did was worry me.
I flew us two more small hills closer to the city before Aahz said we
had better walk the rest of the way. There was so much energy in this area
that I didn't even feel tired from the effort of flying. It had come easy,
which meant that all magik was easy in this place. That was both good and
bad.
Ahead of us on the road were some walkers, plus a wagon full of
vegetables being pulled by two horses. Cows filled the fields, paying no
attention to anything.
Up closer, the town of Donner was even bigger than I had first thought,
with a very wide, boulevard-like main road heading straight through
everything. The golden castle on the top of the hill was massive. It looked
like it could swallow the entire royal palace and courtyard of Possiltum and
not even burp. I wonder if this place had a royal magician. Maybe I could
apply for the job, but I doubted I would pass the cow physical.
We had just crested the last small hill and were starting down toward
the edge of the city when a dozen men on horseback came galloping out of the
city, kicking up a cloud of dust behind them. A few people ahead of us on
the road stepped out of the way. And the wagonload of veggies had to move
almost off the road and into a small ditch.
The thundering horses came on, riding hard, the men's black hats pulled
down tight on their heads. I didn't have a good feeling about this, but at
the same time there was no reason to think they were after us.
We moved to the side of the road as they neared, but instead of riding
past, then stopped, sort of forming a circle around us, pinning us against a
pasture full of cows. I clearly should have trusted my bad feeling.
"You are under arrest," a man sitting on a big black horse said.
"Please come with us into the city."
"It's a posse," Tanda said, the surprise in her voice clear. "Never
thought I'd ever see one."
"A what?" I asked.
"Never mind," she said.
"Under arrest for what?" Aahz demanded of the guy on the big horse.
The guy, whose face looked very similar to the guy who had been the
bartender in Audry's, smiled. I didn't like the look of his little teeth at
all.
"You have been charged with not complying with round-up procedures," he
said, "and the unlawful use of magik."
I glanced at Aahz, then at Tanda. Now we knew for sure that this
dimension knew about magik. As far as I was concerned, right about now would
be a great time to beat a hasty retreat to the wonderful dust of Vortex #6.
But it seemed Aahz had other ideas.
"We demand to be taken to your leader," Aahz said, stepping toward the
man. "We are powerful magicians from another dimension with important
information your leader will want."
The guy actually laughed, which rocked Aahz back on his heels. Not too
many people actually laughed at my mentor and got away with it.
"Drop my disguise," Aahz said, whispering to me.
I shrugged. At this point, it couldn't get any worse, so I did as he
asked.
Not a one of the men on the horses even seemed to notice that there was
now a green-scaled ugly Pervect standing in front of them. Not even their
horses cared.
That was not what Aahz was expecting.
The guy again just laughed.
"You can drop the act," he said. "Our leader knows exactly why you are
here."
Then the guy did something that just flat scared me to death. He
pointed a finger at Aahz and a moment later the map came floating out of
Aahz's belt pouch, unfolded in midair, and fluttered there. Then it refolded
and returned to the pouch.
"Now please come with us," he said.
He turned his horse and started at a slow pace toward the city.
I glanced at Aahz, who was looking almost stunned, then at Tanda.
"Don't you think this might be a good time to head for home?" I asked.
"I wish we could," Tanda said.
Sweat dripped off her forehead as we all stepped back onto the road to
follow the guy who had done the talking. The rest of his group of riders
waited and fell in behind us.
"Excuse me?" I said. "How about jumping us to the dust storm?"
"Trust me," she said, "I tried."
"You what?" I couldn't believe she couldn't get us out of this mess.
"We're blocked?" Aahz asked.
"Tighter than a vault," she said. "Best block I've ever run up
against."
"How about I try to fly us out of here?"
"Won't work either," Tanda said. "At the moment there's a block over
all our magik."
"Oh," was all I could say.
Ahead, just over the head of the horse in front of me I could see the
golden palace. It was the place, the treasure, we had been working and
fighting so hard to reach. Right now it was the last place in any dimension
I wanted to go.
Chapter Eleven
"Who are those guys?"
B. CASSIDY
No one in the city seemed to pay us any attention at all as we were
marched into Donner and right up the wide Main Street of the city toward the
golden palace on the hill. I saw at least a dozen Audry's-like places along
the road, and this town had three guys in white hats and shovels cleaning up
after the hundreds of horses. As we passed, all three of them tipped their
hats and said, "Howdy."
What really made this town different from all the others we had gone
through, besides the golden palace towering over it, were the pastures
between the buildings. About halfway up to the palace, on the right side of
the road, was a beautiful, green pasture about the size of one building.
It had one lone cow in it, grazing on the perfectly tended grass.
A little farther up the hill there were more small pastures between
buildings on both sides of the street, each with just one cow. And the
higher we went, the more beautiful the pastures became, with ornate
decorations and well-trimmed grass.
Just under the palace were five pastures on both sides of the main
boulevard, and in each of those manicured and ornately decorated lawns was
one cow, and off to one side a guy wearing a white hat and carrying a
shovel. Waiting. Now I knew what all the other shovel-carrying guys working
the streets of all the towns were trying to advance their way up to.
The guys on horses dismounted at a massive gate made of stone pillars
and gold bars. The palace itself was surrounded by a tall stone wall that
looked too high to even try to climb.
The stone was highly polished and there looked to be gold lining the
top.
The guy in charge pointed us at the gate, but didn't follow us in.
Instead, five other men in white robes with gold trim met us just inside the
gate and indicated we should follow. Each carried a golden shovel like a
cane, using it to walk. It was clear that a person who worked outside the
palace and didn't have a golden shovel couldn't get into the palace. Why
were we so lucky?
"Would you look at all the gold!" Aahz said, his head whipping back and
forth as he tried to take it all in.
"Amazing," Tananda said, her voice soft and carrying the awe she felt.
I couldn't say anything. The sight that greeted us inside that gate was
beyond anything I had ever imagined. There was nothing but beautiful-trimmed
lawns, gold ornaments, strangely shaped shrubs, and guys in white robes and
white hats with golden shovels. Maybe a dozen different cows grazed on the
beautiful lawns, clearly without a care in the world, all tended by guys in
white robes with golden shovels.
Our robed jailers herded us up the stone staircase, climbing through
manicured lawn after manicured lawn, all surrounded by gold statues of
different animals and gold artwork. The walls of the castle itself towered
over us, the white stone and shining gold walls higher than anything I had
ever seen before.
We were finally taken through a big double door and headed down flights
of stone steps. From there I got completely lost as we went through tunnels,
down steps, around corners, down more tunnels, down more steps, all the time
going deeper and farther under the castle. I didn't much like the idea of
being trapped down under such a massive building, but the idea that we were
being held prisoner by cows controlling guys with golden shovels bothered me
even more. Especially since they were vampire cows.
Finally we were herded into a big room with stone walls and left, a
golden-barred door slamming closed behind us. There were five others in the
big room, all looking tattered and exhausted. Ten beds were spaced around
the walls and all the previous prisoners were lying on the beds, sleeping.
"Glenda," Aahz said.
It took me a second to recognize the figure on the bed across the room.
It was Glenda all right, but not the alive, beautiful, and powerful woman I
had remembered from just a few days before. This woman wore tattered
clothing, had dirt and deep circles under her eyes, and a huge red mark on
her neck.
All three of us moved over to her. As we did her eyes fluttered open
and she saw Aahz, then Tanda and me.
"Found the treasure, I see," she said, her voice barely a whisper.
Then she was back asleep, her breathing heavy, and her mouth hanging
open. The red marks on her neck pulsed with the beat of her heart.
"I don't like the looks of this," I said.
"Any chance we can get out of here?" Aahz asked, glancing around the
room.
I did the same. None of the other prisoners in the place looked to be
in any better shape than Glenda. And all of them had the red marks on their
necks and were sleeping heavily, almost dead.
Tanda shook her head.
"Not a chance at all. The energy is back flowing to us, but the
dimension hopping is still blocked completely. I've been trying to D-hop
ever since we were captured."
"Well," Aahz said, "we're just going to have to find another way out,
and grab a little gold along the way."
"How about the D-Hopper?" I asked. "They didn't search us. Maybe it
would work."
Aahz pulled the D-Hopper out, made sure the setting was right, then
triggered it.
We stayed right where we were.
"Worth a try," I said as he put it back in his shirt.
"I think we need some answers," Aahz said.
He sat down on the edge of Glenda's bunk and then not so gently shook
her awake.
"No! No!" she said as she woke.
Her hands went to her neck and then flinched away. Again it took a
moment for her to recognize us. She blinked, then said, "Go away," and
closed her eyes again.
"We need some answers," Aahz said.
He grabbed her by the shoulders, twisted her around, and sat her
upright on the bed, her back against the wall.
"Easy there, big fella," Glenda said, her voice hoarse. "We're all in
this together."
"I'm not in anything with you," Aahz said.
Looking at the wreck she had become, it was hard for me to even
remember why I had been interested in her in the first place. Could I be
that superficial that she had to remain beautiful for me to care? Or did I
no longer find her attractive or have any interest in her because she had
betrayed us? It was an interesting question I'd have to talk to Aahz about
once we were safely back home.
"Oh," Glenda said, "trust me. If you're here, in this cell, then we're
all in this together."
"How'd you end up here?" Aahz asked. "How'd you find the place without
the map?"
She laughed. "I went to Dodge City, didn't find anything, so I asked
this guy running a bar where the golden cow was, and he told me here."
I shook my head. How simple that would have been. Why hadn't we thought
of it?
"Then what happened?" Tanda asked.
"Didn't even make it into town," she said. "Got picked up by a bunch of
guys on horses yesterday and tossed in here. Then last night I got hauled
out to be a snack at the big party upstairs."
Her hand again went to her neck and she flinched. The red marks there
didn't look like they were healing very well. And I didn't much like the
sound of being a snack like those people lined up on the road had been.
"It was like a bad dream," Glenda said, her eyes distant. "They kept
forcing glass after glass of carrot juice down me while taking turns sucking
oh my neck. By morning I couldn't even walk. I don't remember how I got back
down here."
The thought of carrot juice ripped my stomach into a knot.
"Who were they?" Tanda asked.
Glenda shrugged. "Hundreds of beautiful naked people in this
gold-covered ballroom way up in the castle somewhere."
Aahz nodded. "Vampire cows."
"What?" Glenda asked.
"We saw a field of cows change into beautiful naked people last night,"
I said, "and snack on the townspeople who were waiting to be used."
She looked at me, then at Aahz. "The kid's not kidding, is he?"
Aahz shook his head.
Glenda shook her head and then closed her eyes.
"Drunk dry by bovine vampires. How ironic."
She didn't say anything else, and Aahz didn't push her. She looked as
if she had lost twenty pounds in one night. She had managed to outsmart us,
find her way to the castle, and still get captured. If she couldn't get
away, how were we going to do it before we became a full-moon snack?
"We've got to get out of here before the sun goes down," Aahz said,
standing and moving to the door.
He gave it a couple hard hits, but it didn't move, and no one came
because of the noise. Clearly none of the golden-shoveled guards were
worried about a prisoner escape.
"Even if we did get out," Tanda said, "it would take a map to find our
way back through the castle."
"Map," I said. "That's the key."
Aahz turned and looked at me, giving me one of those
I-don't-understand-how-you-can-be-so-stupid looks.
I moved over to him and stuck out my hand.
"Can I have the map, please?"
"Why would you want it?" Aahz asked.
I didn't want to tell him my idea without first seeing if I was right.
"Just give it to him," Tanda said.
Aahz shrugged and took out the map, handing it to me still folded.
I opened it up, laying it flat on the nearest empty bunk so that we
could all look at it. The map looked as I had expected. It had gained its
magik back once we got inside the castle. It showed where we were, fifteen
levels down and under a lot of rock and gold. It also showed the room where
the golden cow was, far above us.
And better yet, it showed us a path from where we were being held to
what the map called a large ballroom. Clearly the map's designers had
planned on continuing the game right to the very last room. It sort of made
sense. Dimension to dimension until we found the right one, then town to
town until we found the right one, now room to room until we found the right
one. I didn't much like the game, but I understood the thinking.
"Well, would you look at that?" Aahz said, stunned.
Tanda studied the map, then looked at the wall near Glenda's bunk, then
studied the map again.
It didn't take me long to see what she was doing. The map showed a way
out of this room that wasn't the main door. Maybe, just maybe, we had a
chance. If we could escape the cell, then avoid hundreds of men with white
robes and golden shovels, and then outrun the posse on horseback, we might
be able to get far enough away from the castle to dimension-hop back to
Vortex #6.
It sounded impossible, but it was more than we'd had a moment ago.
I folded up the map and put it in my pouch, then headed for the wall
where Glenda was still sitting on a bunk. Her eyes were closed, and if her
chest hadn't been moving I would have thought she was dead.
"Wait," Tanda said as I started to get down on my knees to look for an
opening in the wall under the bunk beside Glenda's, where the map indicated
it would be. "We need to protect ourselves, not let anyone know what we're
doing."
"And how do you suggest we do that?" I asked.
Aahz glanced around at the bunks and the blankets on them.
"Skeeve, when Tanda gives the word, I want you to make the blankets on
those three bunks look like the three of us."
"Four of us," Glenda said, opening her eyes and looking clearly at
Aahz. "If you've found a way to leave, I'm leaving with you."
"Yeah," Aahz said, laughing, "like you took us with you on Vortex #6? I
don't think so."
"I don't go, I alert the guards," she said, staring at him. "And I've
got enough power left to easily break an apprentice's disguise spell."
For a moment I thought Aahz was going to strangle her, and I wanted to
help. Then Tanda stepped between them, facing Aahz.
"She's powerful and can help. Let her, or we might never get out of
here."
My mentor looked like he was about to explode. He hated doing anything
he didn't want to do, and taking Glenda along was something he really didn't
want to do. But Tanda was right; maybe Glenda could help.
"All right," Aahz said, taking a deep breath and letting it slowly out.
He stepped past Tanda and looked down at Glenda.
"You work with us or we dump you faster than you dumped my apprentice
in that bar. Understand?"
She nodded, clearly very weak. "Let me help Tanda with the cover
spell," she said. "I'm good at them."
"I'm an ex-assassin," Tanda shot back. "I'm better."
"I know you are," Glenda said. "I can just add some depth on the cover.
And help support Skeeve's disguises. We're dealing with some good magicians
here. Let's make sure they don't see us coming, or leaving as the case may
be."
For a moment Tanda stared at Glenda, then she nodded. "Follow my lead."
"Completely," Glenda said. She took a deep, shuddering breath and
braced herself against the wall, her eyes closed.
I glanced around. The other three prisoners hadn't woken up. They
looked to be in much worse shape than Glenda.
Aahz turned to me. "Get ready. On Tanda's count, one at a time,
disguise the four bunks."
I took a deep breath and reached out for the energy it was going to
take.
Energy here wasn't a problem. It flowed all around us like a massive
river, wider and stronger than I had ever experienced. I let it flow inside
me, giving me strength.
"Aahz first," Tanda said. "Now."
On the farthest empty bunk I pictured Aahz lying there, sleeping, his
mouth open.
On the bunk Aahz appeared, just as I had pictured.
I gathered more energy.
"Glenda now," Tanda said.
I imagined Glenda on the second bunk, sleeping in the same way we had
seen her sleeping when we came in, red mark on her neck and all.
Glenda appeared there.
"Now me," Tanda said.
I reached out and took the energy and put the image of Tanda sleeping
in the next bunk
"Now you," Tanda said.
I did the same, although I had never seen myself asleep, I had an image
of what I must look like, and I used that.
It was strange to see myself sleeping there. Really strange.
"All shielded," Tanda said.
Glenda nodded. "Very strong. It should hold. And good job, Skeeve."
I just nodded. I didn't need compliments from a woman who left me to
rot in a...
